my conscious choice to be happy.

Today as I laid in a hammock while reading Dr. Bradley's Husband-Coached Childbirth I realized how happy I was. Maybe it was because I was getting some much needed Vitamin-D after living through more than a week of rainy cloudy days, or because my garish purple pedicure was making me feel rather nostalgic towards middle school sleep-overs, I couldn't help but to feel over-whelmed by happiness.  As my husband came and sat beside me and my little baby kicked within my womb I knew I was right where I was meant to be.  

Happiness is a sore subject for me. It hasn't always been easily found in my life, but days like today I realize that I always have so much to be happy about. Pregnancy for me isn't always beautiful and I stress about little things like losing my strongly valued running abilities, looking ambiguously fat, and even the bunnies in my yard. One thing I have noticed however is how happy I am. I can't avoid it. Even as I watched from my window and cried (hysterically) about a bunny not being able to figure out how to get through the fence to meet up with his friend, I was still happy. I have been able to feel concerned with something and blasé towards it simultaneously. I realize that these little things don't matter and shouldn't be allowed to rob me of my happiness. 

Pregnancy has allowed me to radiate happiness from inside. I've grown more confident with who I am physically, emotionally, and ethically and that makes me proud. I want to attribute this to the growing frontal lobe of my brain, but secretly I feel it comes from the little feet that kick me from inside. Those feet remind me that to be a great mom doesn't mean being perfect or never make mistakes, but that it comes from being confident in the woman I am and ever growing in the aspects of motherhood.