you are almost here.

You are almost here and I can't believe it. I vividly remember when this photo was taken. It was the first big snow storm of this year and Adam and I knew we were going to spend the next couple days snowed in together. The snow had just started falling and I wanted Adam to take a photo of me for comparison once the storm was over. I remember waiting and anxiously looking out of my bedroom window wondering what I was going to wake up to in the morning. We knew the snow would keep on falling even as our world slowed as we slept. I instinctively knew that in the morning there was going to be a the dramatic change.  It was exciting and overwhelming all at the same time. The morning sun woke me up and a mix of emotions flooded over me. I wanted to get dressed in my snow suit and build snowmen and play in the beautiful freshly fallen snow. I couldn't contain it as I rushed through breakfast and begged Adam to hurry up and come play with me. It wasn't until I was fully dressed and ready to play in the snow that the sobering adult reality set in. My front door was heavy with snow and three feet of ice hung over the stairs to my front porch. I looked around and knew there was work to be done. It took us hours to dig our walkway clear and the task of digging out our cars seemed never-ending and utterly overwhelming. We only had one shovel so I just stood around picking up ice chunks with my hands.  Adam was very worried about me helping shovel because we knew we were expecting. He reluctantly let me use the neighbors shovel to help, but he was always reminding me to take my time and take smaller scoops.

Pregnancy has been a very similar experience. From the beginning I have felt so excited and happy about becoming a momma and I anxiously wait to play. But the front door is slowly becoming a heavy reality. I can see the sleepless nights and the sore slow recovery of childbirth coming into view. I know I will want to do more, help more, and have all the answers and solutions to my baby's needs. I will be so desperate to solve all the problems that I will resort to picking up ice chucks with my hands. I will have to remember my loving husbands voice saying “take your time” and “take smaller scoops.” I hope I can parent with loving and jovial child-like excitement, but also take my time and not feel overwhelmed by the adult reality. I know as each day passes my world gets closer to a dramatic change and there is always beauty in that change.