why I date my spouse.

Adam and I spent a lot of time this past week wondering what we would do on Friday.  We both had the day off and we didn’t want to waste the precious few hours that we were going to spend together.  Cleaning, working on one of the many unfinished house projects, or even just hiding away in our basement to watch Netflix were all options that we considered. But then I had an idea. “Let’s go on a date,” I exclaimed and from there the idea was set.

With the baby almost here I’m really trying to savor all the time I get to spend with Adam. A baby makes the days go by faster and the night restless and short.  As horrible as that sounds I honestly can’t wait to experience it. But I also understand that I will look at my husband a little differently through my tired eyes.

I have come to realize that my spouse is the only person I choose to deeply love in my life. I have parents, siblings, and, eventually, I will have children to love.  The love I have for those people in my life is great and unconditional, but I did not pick and choose the people for these roles. On the other hand, my spouse is the first person to come into my life that I vow to love out of choice.

Life is tiresome, complicated, and both overwhelming and mindlessly mundane all at the same time. And I know that sounds rather pessimistic, but relationships don’t start that way. Life in a new relationship starts through dating and dating creates feelings of excitement, anticipation, nervousness, and curiosity.

Dating is a learning exploration into someone new.  It is a time to tell a new story and to learn that it is possible to only like pizza with pepperoni.  Dating allows two independent beings to collide and create memories, stories, photographs, laughter, and connections.  Although people often see dating as an activity for new couples I think it is incredibly important for women and men to date their spouse.

Adam and I try not to do typical activities on our dates. We like to dedicate a whole day just to connect again. We enjoy a long car ride, morning breakfast, and a unique final destination. This Friday we ventured out to St. Michaels on the Eastern Shore. We have been there before and this wasn’t our first time going on a date to said location, but we always try to keep it unique.

We woke up early to attend my --now weekly-- doctor’s appointment. I resisted the urge to throw on my pregnancy uniform, which consist of an elastic-waist running skirt and a worn out maternity tank top.  Instead I dressed up. I put on make-up, and left my hair down. I reminded myself I was going on a date and I wanted to impress Adam.

After the doctors we went to a local coffee shop called Rise Up and got massive coffee drinks and delicious egg sandwiches. It wasn’t fancy or served to us on fine china, but it was just what we wanted: great food, a euphoric aroma (they roast the coffee right there in the building), and an opportunity to talk. I can’t remember what we talked about at the coffee shop.  It was probably about how delicious our food was or about how impressive the giant roasters were.  It didn’t matter because we were creating. We created a memory in that moment all because we decided to go on a date.

After breakfast we got in the car, left the GPS off, and headed in the vague direction of St. Michaels. We vowed to accept that we might get lost and just enjoyed looking at the cute shop windows as we drove through the little town. Once we were sure we were on the right path we continued down the road singing intense car karaoke to the over-played songs on the radio.

Once in St. Michaels we made a loose plan with the idea that it could always be changed. We stopped at local antique shops and bought a cute nightlight for the baby’s room and then ventured down the street hand and hand. It was rather hot so we laughed as we scampered like lizards on the hot sand into every store to cool off in their A/C. We looked at books and clothes (either too big for Adam or too small for me) and seriously considered buying delicious looking chocolates, but resisted for fear that they would melt. It was just where we wanted to be. Our only interruption was my many bathroom trips due to my large drink and tiny over crowded bladder (thanks baby!).

We decided that we had enough shopping and wanted to head down to Tilghman Island to do an impromptu photo lesson. Adam is in charge of taking our birth photographs so we thought this would be a good opportunity for him to practice with my big, fancy camera. We clumsily climbed over the rocks and sat at the waters edge. I took a couple photos of my handsome husband and reluctantly let him take a couple photos of me. Adam offered me his hand as we climbed back over the rocks and we laughed as I opted to awkwardly crawl on my hands and knees instead. I think this is my favorite aspect of dating your spouse. You can spend time and energy worrying about presenting your best self, but you can also be awkward and silly because you already know they love you.

A small local restaurant called Two If By Sea was our destination for lunch. We ordered sandwiches and talked camera lingo and technique while we ate. We didn’t have any worries, or responsibilities in that moment we just relished in the presence of one another. After lunch Adam and I agreed it was probably time for us to head home as my feet were hurting and he still had a three mile run he wanted to complete.

Our date was simple, not expensive, not fancy and not over-planned.  It was just about being together. We held hands as we drove down the road.  We sang Shakira and Beastie Boy songs loudly and talked about ideas, hopes and experiences we wanted in life. Adam is my best friend and our dates allow us to reconnect and refocus on why we choose to love one another so deeply. I know having a baby won’t always make dating easy, but we agreed to let our little one third wheel on all of our dates because we believe there is great importance in creating new connections.