it takes a village.

My friend Rachel just moved to Utah and it is really difficult right now to process. Our adorable red-heads were born one day apart and she and I just had so much in common.

I didn't know the lady I met at the pediatrician's office was going to be my best friend. But in the nine short months we got to know one another our friendship just grew. She became my secret keeper, my listening ears when I needed to vent, and even a coffee delivery service when I needed a pick me up. She was always there for me when I needed her and I hope she feels the same about me. 

I've never really had to say good-bye to a friend before until yesterday. I just sat on my front steps and cried as I watched my best friend and her sweet daughter pull away to embark on a new adventure. 

I spend the day off and on crying and thinking of all of our fun times we had but I had this looming pit in my stomach. I couldn't figure out what was making me feel so hopeless about my friend leaving, but it was fear.

Fear, that I wouldn't find a relationship like I had with her. Fear of having to be vulnerable as I navigate the treacherous world of finding mom friends. Fear of feeling alone.

With all that said I'm going to do my best to be optimistic. I'm going to go to every mom meet-up I can, and even introduce myself to strangers at the park. I know I must not be the only one that feel like this. 

Motherhood is lonely but I don't believe it has to be. 



I wrote this post over a year ago but never shared it because I was feeling very vulnerable and sad. I've had some time to grieve and grow and although Rachel isn't a 2 minute car ride away I know she is always here for me. 

When I read this all the emotions came flooding back. I still miss my best friend more than anything in the world but I also know that true friendship will last no matter what.

I can't say that fear is completely gone or that I've found another best friend but I don't fell as isolated as before. I try to make time to connect with other moms weekly, we attend playdates with moms from Facebook groups and I awkwardly strike up conversations with moms at the playground. It isn't easy and I often want to hide behind my cell phone but I know connection is what I need. Just a simple laugh with a stranger or a hug from a fellow mom reminds me that I'm not alone.

I can't allow myself to get overwhelmed at the idea of meeting new people or use my busy schedule to avoid a playdate because it just perpetuates isolation. I need to remember that we are all in this together (insert HSM dance moves- over head clap) and although not every relationships will pan out to just keep trying.

I'm not sure the purpose of this blog post or what I was trying to accomplish by writing it in the first place but maybe if someone reads it and can relate that is all the better. Friendships are hard for some people but know that the mom with the baby strapped to the front of her chasing after the firey red-head really appreciates the company.