instagram mom.

I'm not an Instagram mom. And I will probably never be one.

I can't decided if I'm writing this for me or everyone else.  It's dumb, but I struggle with my own value as a mom, woman, Christian, friend, and wife because of Instagram. I look at all these beautiful photos and I convince myself that I need white walls, a big farm house, a tinier waist, fancier baby clothes, and lots and lots of bonnets.

The reality is that the walls in my house are green and I love my green walls. My sons clothes are mostly hand-me-downs from cousins and that is fine.  The loud and obnoxious plastic singing caterpillar toy in my living room holds Albert's attention way better than any of the aesthetically pleasing wooden toys do.  And he looks like a little girl when I put him in a bonnet.

I've almost dropped Albert a million times attempting to get the perfect photo. I've woken him up from a nap in an attempt to create the perfect post, but you know what? It isn't worth it.

My son isn't going to remember how many people "Liked" his photo or even the difference between Aveno baby wash and some fancy organic kind. He is going to remember the trips to the park, bath-time songs, and most importantly my face.

He will remember what my eyes look like when I'm actually seeing him, how big my cheeks get when he makes me laugh, how sweet my kisses are, and how gentle my words are when we are playing. And the biggest hindrance to all of that is my cell phone in front of my face.

So thank you Instagram for the connection you have given me to moms all around the world. Thank you for reminding me to take more photos of my son, but I have to say you make me (and I'm sure a lot of other moms) feel inadequate.

So to all the moms out there just remember, ordinary is great. Baby poo stains all clothes just the same, plastic singing toys make babies smile, and white walls get dirty. You are enough and all the beautiful photos you see on Instagram aren't a ruler to measure yourself against.

I'm not going to throw away my phone or even delete my Instagram, but I am going to strive to be more present in my life. I will only grow more confident with my life by seeing it grow with my eyes and not through a smart phone screen.

P.S.  I wrote this during Albert's nap.